(2010)
directed by Derek Cianfrance
How does one get from “I love you, babe!” to “I can’t do this anymore?” “Blue Valentine” is an extraordinarily intelligent film that takes a close look at the birth and slow death of a relationship. Cindy (Michelle Williams) is a nurse who has worked hard to rise above her blue collar roots. Early in the film, there is a chilling scene at Cindy’s childhood family dinner table when Cindy’s father begins cursing and throwing things around the room because dinner does not meet with his approval. This scene helps us understand why Cindy internalizes conflict, absorbing hurt on the inside while appearing calm on the outside. Throughout the film, Michelle Williams’ quiet, subtle performance perfectly captures this aspect of Cindy’s personality.
Dean (Ryan Gosling) also carries a heavy burden from his childhood. His mother left the family when he was a child. His father is a talented musician who works as a janitor. Dean couldn’t see a reason to finish high school. Early in the film, he is working for a moving company. There is a touching scene when Dean helps an elderly man feel at home at a nursing home by carefully arranging his mementos and clothing. Cindy happens to be visiting her grandmother at the same nursing home. Dean sees Cindy and feels an instant connection.
The film moves back and forth in time between the unhappy present and the dreamy, romantic beginning of their relationship when simply touching one another was thrilling. The movie can be a bit confusing as it moves back and forth in time. I found that the best way to quickly determine whether a scene is set in the present or past was to check out Dean’s hairline. In the present, his hairline is receding.
Cindy runs into an old boyfriend at a liquor store and this encounter takes us back to the time when she became pregnant during that earlier relationship. The entire abortion debate is dramatized in just a few scenes, from the violence of the conception, to the awkward courtesy of the doctor, and then to Cindy’s sudden realization that she cannot take away her child’s opportunity to live in the world.
Early in their relationship, Dean serenades Cindy in front of a storefront decorated with a heart garland. Cindy and the audience are both charmed. Dean endures a dinner table interrogation at the hands of Cindy’s father, takes a savage beating at the hands of Cindy’s former boyfriend, and works and saves what money he can. But the very qualities that once seemed so appealing to Cindy have become intolerable. She wants Dean to do something with his life, to show some initiative, but all he wants is to be with her and their four year old daughter, Frankie. He once seemed like the nicest guy she had ever met. Now he seems like the weakest.
Dean is happy because he has Cindy and Frankie and because he has a job that allows him to have a beer in the morning before heading to work. Cindy, on the other hand, is overcome with physical and mental exhaustion and can barely remember why she wanted to marry Dean. Dean doesn’t seem to care that she is unhappy and exhausted so long as she remains in his life. Dean is happy with their life together. Cindy makes it clear that she hopes that things will get better.
Here is an achingly realistic exchange between Dean and Cindy that lays bare the problems in their relationship:
CINDY Why don’t you do something with your life?
DEAN What do you mean?
CINDY I don’t know.
DEAN What does that mean?
CINDY Isn’t there something you wanted to do?
DEAN Like what?
CINDY You are so good at so many things. You could do anything you wanted to, you’re good at everything you do, isn’t there something you want to do?
DEAN Than what? Than to be your husband? Than to be Frankie’s dad? What do you want me to do? In your dream scenario of me, like, doing what I’m good at, what would that be?
CINDY You can do so many things, you have such capacity.
DEAN For what?
CINDY You can sing, you can draw, you can dance.
DEAN Listen, I didn’t want to be somebody’s husband, OK? And I didn’t want to be somebody’s dad. That wasn’t my goal in life. Some guys it is. Wasn’t mine. But somehow, it was what I wanted. I didn’t know that. And it’s all I want to do. I don’t want to do anything else. I work so I can do that.
CINDY It doesn’t ever disappoint you?
DEAN Why? Why would it disappoint me?
CINDY Because you have all this potential.
DEAN Why do you have to fucking make money off your potential?
CINDY We rarely have an adult conversation because every time we do you turn it around into something I didn’t mean.
DEAN Maybe I just shouldn’t say anything.
“Blue Valentine” is full of raw emotion as it shows how two people fall out of love. It reveals exactly how a relationship falls apart. It is utterly wrenching when Dean ends up pleading with Cindy, “Tell me how I should be.” “Blue Valentine” has all the hurt and sadness of real life.